


under my skin

by howlingsaturn



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23040994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlingsaturn/pseuds/howlingsaturn
Summary: there's only one thing on Ben's mind: Callum.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Kudos: 53





	under my skin

**Author's Note:**

> posted this on my tumblr a while back and thought why not upload it here too.

one's sunrise

bright and yellow and warm, 

full of energy and hope,

eager for a new beginning. 

the other one's sunset

dark and red and cold

full of regret and longing

so scared of change 

but desperate for a little bit of light.

evidently, 

one cannot live without the other.

— _the sun has two faces_

* * *

Ben reaches for him immediately, grasping at his shoulders and cupping a cheek, scanning him for injuries. 

Callum blinks his eyes open with a muffled groan and when Ben's face comes into focus, he gasps out his name in a broken plea. 

Ben doesn't hear him but he sees the way his lips curl and his eyes widen and something in his stomach drops.

Ben pulls him up as carefully as he can, wrapping his arms around his shoulders as he holds him close against his chest, cradling the back of Callum's head in his palm. 

"I've got you," Ben murmurs into his blood soaked hair, "You're okay Cal, I've got you." 

Callum clutches at his back, taking in some ragged breaths that are dangerously close to sobs. He revels in the closeness, the warmth that Ben's body radiates, but he feels a sudden, overwhelming need to look at him. He has so many questions, he doesn't even know where to start. 

Callum pulls back and the tears he can see in Ben's eyes catch him off guard. He reaches out just as the first tear falls on his cheek, wiping it away with the rough pad of his thumb. Ben exhales shakily, tilting his head into the touch and closing his eyes. 

"How did you find me?" Callum rasps out and his own voice sounds foreign to his ears. Ben doesn't respond and Callum tries again, softly calling out his name, but nothing.

Ben's lack of reaction makes Callum frown and he begins to move the hand that is still holding Ben's cheek, gently trailing it higher, over the sharp line of his eyebrow, and when Ben's eyes flutter open Callum can't help but surge forward to kiss him. Ben parts his lips on a gasp, the ringing in his ears dulling, and Callum feels warm all over. 

He pulls back after a moment, his bruised ribs aching with the lack of oxygen, and finds himself lost in the vulnerability in Ben's eyes. 

"I've missed you, I can't believe you found me," Callum whispers into the space between them and Ben's eyes drop down to his lips, frowning. He looks back up into Callum's eyes, pained and frustrated, and something in Callum clicks. 

His fingertips carefully trade over the shell of Ben's ear and then he's rewarded with a shudder. 

"Can you hear me?" 

Ben stares at his mouth, then back up and slowly shakes his head. 

"Are you hurt?" Callum asks immediately, alarmed. 

Ben huffs out a laugh, shaking his head again. "Y'know that's pretty much the last thing I care about right now. How are you?"

Ben cradles his neck again, gaze repeatedly flicking across Callum's face. 

"I'll live," Callum responds with a smile and Ben can't help but kiss him again. 

"Let's go home," he murmurs when they pull apart, reaching for his hand and helping him stand up. 

Later that evening, after they've taken a shower and Callum repeatedly argues that he doesn't need to go to the hospital, they lie in bed facing each other. 

Ben has always found Callum beautiful but somehow he can't stop staring at him, memorising every little detail and then replaying them in his mind over and over again. He doesn't even have it in him to apologize for his excessive staring because Callum shares the sentiment. 

Ben's rewarded with a gentle smile and he shuffles closer. Callum meets him halfway, cupping his cheeks and then he kisses him again, slow and passionate.

"I love you," he whispers against Ben's lips and Ben freezes, eyes growing wide with tears. Callum says it again and the dam breaks, Ben breaking apart in his arms. Callum has to swallow down his own tears as he gently moves his hands back to Ben's ears, covering them completely. 

He kisses Ben's face, soothing him, and Ben reaches out to clasp his wrists, holding him close. 

"I love you," Ben confesses when he's calmed down, "I love you so much it hurts." 

And Callum smiles that huge, blinding smile of his and Ben forgets all about his grief. Callum is right here with him, holding him, _loving_ him, and Ben's world seems a little less grey. 

He kisses him again, murmuring declarations against his mouth, but Callum just kisses him deeper, stealing the words right out of his throat and Ben's hasn't felt this happy in a long, long time.

When Callum freezes against him, Ben worries he's accidentally hurt him, his ribs are badly bruised after all, but when he pulls back to check on him, Callum's eyes are empty. 

His hands drop from his face and Ben mourns the warmth immediately. 

"You did this to me," Callum says and his voice sounds so off, Ben doesn't even wonder why he can hear it so clearly now, "This is your fault. This is all your fault, Ben. You did this to me. You killed me!" 

His voice rises to a shout and Ben clutches at his ears, the noise unbearably shrill. Callum moves away even though it looks more like he's floating into nothingness and Ben scrambles forward, reaching out a hand but Callum's gone. 

_Come back_ , his heart cries out, _please come back, I need you more than you know._

Ben wakes up with a start, a desperate scream tearing from his throat. It echoes out into the quiet of the room but there's no answer, no gentle touch that pulls him in, no soft voice that tells him everything's going to be okay. 

He's alone. Callum's not here. 

Quiet sobs tremble through his body and his hands clench into fists against the sheet. _It was just a dream_ , he thinks, _Callum is okay._ Ben wills himself to calm down, taking a couple of deep breaths in but there's a constant ringing in his ear and his heart aches with a familiar pain Ben thought was long gone. He can't pull himself back together when the pieces aren't in reach to begin with. Exhaustion seeps into his bones, leaving him shaking in cold, and his eyes flutter shut against his will.

 _You will find him_ , he tells himself before he drifts into unconsciousness, _You will bring him back home._


End file.
